on sunday i went for a long trip south and we ended up in brownsville, pa which is along the monongahela river, a sort of abandoned place it seemed, with empty stores, and yet clearly in the architecture of the buildings a one vibrant small town. driving along main street there were echoes of a more lively past.  there was a sadness about the whole town. there was something almost unreal about the whole place. i felt as if i was driving through a movie set.  i only saw two people: a hobo sort of tramp with a big black garbage bad, and a goth teenager all in black.  the day was warm given the season, but the weather was overcast which only served to augment the sense of loss and abandonment.  i had read that there was an art gallery in this town and i actually drove by it: but the store was closed.

on the way back i drove through back roads and places that i had never seen, i thought about how much these trips are defining me. first of all  i do them every week, every sunday; second,  these are the trips that i do and will do, period.  i thought of the world and all of the places in the world that i will never see; the continents that i have never placed foot on and never will; the limitations that define my life  and will continue to do so; the way i am bound and restricted and will continue to be so:  i live in a small world. i live in a small small corner of the world. i live in a small space.

hugo wolf set a poem by paul heyse from his italienisches liederbuch to music:

auch kleine dinge konnen uns entzucken,
auch kleine dinge konnen teuer sein.

small things can also delight us
small things can also be precious

what defines a journey?  the distance? the colors? the deviance from the ordinary? the unfamiliarity is brings?  would a trip around the world give me something whose lack i will mourn on my deathbed?
as i am driving back i am thinking about questions like that  in a sort of random, associative fashion.  next to me yossi is taking a nap.  his batteries in the cd player ran out and we listen to billy joel again.  the cd is now limited to tracks 1,2,3 and 10.  o come to the conclusion that i do not actually mind living the way i do.  i am wondering if it is because i am used to it, because i know that there is no way out and i am making the best of it, or because it is actually what suits me and what i want.  i wonder if i would have made a good nun.