just around the time that i wrote my last blog entry i took a trip with yossi to new jersey to visit my oldest son, his wife and my grandson.  on the way there, in nowhere land my motor blew  .... and the rest is history.
i have a new car now, another subaru forester, but white. actually it is pearl white so be exact.  a few days ago i finally found a persona for this car: it is a big white wolf.  my old blue subaru ( pacific pearl blue to be exact) was baby girl.  so from a baby girl to a white wolf.
today on the way to the north hills' goodwill in cranberry i sat in the car listening to yossi going on with some song or another.  it is not really singing in any regular way, but it is a sort of song song talk with sounds and words.  i am so used to him that i do not even hear it any more.  i looked at him and he was so content sitting there singing.  he likes to go on "trips" as he calls it, but never looks out the window.  the landscape, objects along the road, be they cars or animals are of no interest to him.  on occasion he will comment on a cloud.  but that is all.  i have come to the conclusion that the car is a sort of additional room for him: actually it is a music room where he listens to his cds on his portable player. he takes with him two heavy books of cds which he keeps on his lap.  he sits on the seat in a lotus position. he also likes to take a nap.  he is very disturbed if i do not play the radio.  i must not sing, but i can tap or move rhythmically to the beat.  he does not like classical music, but prefers a distinct beat.  on the way to his day program we listen to billy joel.  before that it was leonard cohen until the cd broke.  there were some heavy and bad lyrics on his first track. the music plays fairly loud on the way to his"work".  oh yes, i forgot to mention, going to work is not a "trip" but an "outing" and for that he does not take his music with him.
i thought about all of this today as i drove up in the later morning:  i live within a network of rules that are not of my own making but i know them well and i am so used to them that i follow the automatically.  i do not resent them; i am so used to them sprouting up and growing around me, climbing on me and enveloping me, that i mostly feel that this is what i also want and need.  taking care of yossi seems to have resulted for me in a sort of bounded abnegation of what i would do or like. but like an old servant to a precious princeling i do not mind and simply do.  i thought about this today as i was listening for probably the uncountable time to billy joel's music man and the guy in the bar who "makes love to his tonic and gin"